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Thread: Well this has no title

  1. #1
    ))) joke, relax ;) coqauvin's Avatar
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    Default Well this has no title

    also more poetry to line these empty halls
    canvases filled with life, inversely proportionate to those there to appreciate it
    these words don't expiate my own guilt

    anyways

    i asked her to paint a picture of our hearts
    tied together in reds and blacks
    and her paintbrush danced across the canvas of our lives
    weaving glory into the tapestry of our banality

    she painted her eyes in colours bright, glint of mischief and glimmer of love burning whole
    she painted mine in black and white, the contrast baring all that lay behind them open to the world

    and i wonder,
    was this wrong?

    I asked her to paint a picture of herself,
    and colour it only with peace of mind
    to use her eyes as the finest brushes
    and paint the world with her walk


    she didn't


    i asked her to paint a picture of my eyes
    but the canvas she returned to me bore
    only the barren hope that coated her empty brush

    i wondered, then,
    did she think me empty and hollow?

    but when she smiled i realized
    that grandeur stems only from our own hand
    and the blank slate that beckons,
    burgeoning possibilities of what could be
    end up more beautiful than any creation

    for in the end, even perfection is subjective
    Last edited by coqauvin; 02-19-2009 at 03:11 PM.

  2. #2
    I killed Tupac Shinysides's Avatar
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    Default

    I like it Coq, but you may want to watch words like "burgeoning" and "banality" as they sound almost presumptuous. It's just important to remember not to over think things, there is a beauty in simplicity also.

  3. #3
    ))) joke, relax ;) coqauvin's Avatar
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    banality maybe could be changed

    but burgeoning is exactly the right flavour for what I want there

    i would have to remake the meaning of that stanza if i changed that word

  4. #4
    I killed Tupac Shinysides's Avatar
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    Default

    Looking at it again, I can see keeping burgeoning, it fits better than I had thought. I still don't particularly like banality, but I can see why you chose it.

  5. #5
    λεγιων ονομα μοι sycld's Avatar
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    I think I'm just going to ban myself from this forum.


    PANDAS
    If you don't like them, then get the fuck out.

    Quote Originally Posted by Think View Post
    Atheists are quite right

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