Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: What should I do?

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    2
    Credits
    0
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)

    Default What should I do?

    Hi, I'm The Duke. I was recommended to this site by a friend of mine who used to post on LWS every once in a while. I have a question that I need a little advice on and I'm a little embarrassed to talk about it to my friends in real life. So instead of asking my valued friends opinions, I will instead ask for advice from strangers on the internet.

    I am depressed and I have what people call anxiety problems. I know that these are fairly common, and that many people deal with them everyday. I am not getting medicated for them yet, although I have seen a doctor. I am 20 years old and I am jobless and currently un-enrolled in college. I am looking for a job because I need something to do to help boost my self esteem.

    The other thing I have been doing is looking for a girl to have a relationship with. I normally scoff at dating websites, but I have been trying to meet someone on OKCupid for a while now. I recently met a girl on there who is amazingly pretty, really smart, and nice. Strangely enough, she actually seems to want to get to know me better. However, I feel that my anxiety will not only push her away but also make me seem awkward.

    She is a few years older than me which also makes me nervous. Especially because she can drink legally and I cannot for another few months yet. I will probably be put on medication for my anxiety and depression next month, and I feel like everything would be easier if I could wait to talk to her until then.

    I sent her an email a day or two ago to that effect, telling her about my problems and explaining how I didn't want to pull her into those and that I didn't want to start anything until I deal with my own issues first. I'm worried though that I may have made a mistake. She responded telling me it was fine and that she appreciated me letting her know, but now I can't help but think I'm missing a great opportunity. I mean, lets be honest, from what I know right now this girl is out of my league.

    So I'm trying to see if anyone has any advice about what I should do. I don't want to have my anxiety become a problem in a new relationship, but I also don't want to miss out on a great girl. I guess I just don't quite know what to do. Any advice or comments would be appreciated, and to any of you who have severe anxiety problems but aren't medicated, how do you cope?

    I know this is a lot to read, but I want to say thank you in advance for any ideas or help offered.

  2. #2
    Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgerz Doog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    30
    Credits
    18
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)

    Default

    I feel like you made the right choice. If you try to force something (when you're obviously not comfortable with the situation) then you're right - it will probably push her away and/or be awkward. If she's still available and interested whenever you've settled your issues, the two of you will probably get off to a much better start.

    Good luck!

  3. #3
    Pill popping nihilist Cryptic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    641
    Credits
    327
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)

    Default

    Well, I think you did screw up, but not in the way that you think. I have minor anxiety issues too, nothing major but it is there. For example I feel really uncomfortabl entertaining at my apartment, to the point where I'm a boring/awkward host because I just don't know what friends expect or how to act. The only way I can be "normal" in a group is at someone else's place or out in public. I also avoid driving at night when I can, it makes me anxious.

    Add to that I more than dabble in opiates and love my cat more than most guys with cats and on paper, I look like a nutjob. In real life, I'm not weirder than anyone else. I'm guessing you're not either.

    The mistake you made is opening up to someone who is basically a stranger about some really personal issues that are easily overblown to be thought worse than they probably are. I didn't tell my girlfriend any of the above about me until she got to know the "big picture" me FIRST, and then let the rest take care of itself. If I'd come right out and said "I'm a little neurotic, use drugs, and I'm a cat guy" she wouldn't be my girlfriend.

    Getting to know someone is just that. Let girls draw their own conclusions about you and what league you're in instead of pushing them away with stuff like this.

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    2
    Credits
    0
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)

    Default

    Well, I didn't pour my heart out to her or anything, I just explained that I was going through some stuff right now and needed time to deal with that, but that I liked her and I didn't want her to think I just forgot or didn't care. I didn't tell her anything more than that I am depressed and have anxiety issues that I need to deal with. To be honest, everyone has problems and if those are enough to put her off me altogether, I wouldn't have wanted to date her anyways.

    She seemed to understand, so I probably will start talking to her again when I am in a better place. I say she is out of my league because I feel she is, I would not tell her that, mostly because that would be creepy. I guess I'm just saying that it's not like I sat down and explained all my flaws, I just told her about the one. I wouldn't have even told her about that but I figured she deserved to know why I wasn't gonna be talking to her for a while.

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    103
    Credits
    672
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)

    Default

    Ah man, the irony.

    1. I have anxiety issues, and I'm worried that would damage the relationship.
    2. Therefore, I will end the relationship before it even started.

    You see what's wrong with this picture? You cured the disease by killing the patient. It's really kind of funny, when you realize what you're doing. Your anxiety about your anxiety is your real problem here.

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •