I need something to do.

[Cool Runnings]

Okay I'm a Junior in high school and I'm depressed as fuck. I quit waterpolo and swim (I'm only good at swim) because I had severe back acne last year and I couldn't just take it anymore. I got on accutane somewhere back in August and I'm constantly contemplating suicide and sad as anything but I just tough it out.

So the problem is, I kind of lost all of my friends because I either am a bit stranger now apparently or because I got fatter (I blame the accutane). So every weekend I have nothing to do literally. What should I start doing to consume time and make me feel better? I was thinking of starting to work out again even though I just a shit load of candy.

[Crysack]

I'd talk to your doctor about the accutane first, because what you're feeling doesn't seem to be particularly unusual among those who are using accutane.

Otherwise, working out sounds like a great idea. Personally, I feel great when I'm exercising regularly and eating correctly. Putting in an effort to organise a few social gatherings probably isn't such a bad idea either.

[Cool Runnings]

Yeah but one of the main problems is starting, I just don't care to go to the gym anymore. I was just thinking about starting small and just doing push ups and very light medicine ball techniques. I started to do 3x20 push ups right now.

Oh I forgot to add, I already was super depressed and such before I even started taking accutane because of the misery of having such bad acne and being a swimmer, not a good match up. I guess it got sort of worse after the pills, but I don't feel too sad right now. Just depends on the day I guess.

[Shinysides]

If you're really depressed and contemplating suicide, I recommend speaking to a doctor about that. It isn't normal to feel that unhappy and there are things that can help. Your doctor and/or a psychiatrist/therapist can probably really help you out. Also, acne happens to a lot of people, its nothing to be ashamed of. I swam for four years in high school and I had terrible back, chest and facial acne at the time. All you can do is try to get rid of it and hope for the best, but it does suck that its had such a large impact upon your social life.

Also, as someone who not only grew up overweight but who has also managed to lose most of that weight, I found that the key for me to losing weight wasn't to exercise more, it was to eat less. I lost 30lbs in about three months because I started listening to my head instead of my stomach. I also started trying to eat better, which I think is even more important in weight loss than exercise and just as important as portion control. I think you'll find that if you really care enough to try to do some of this stuff, your life will get better. You just need to do something to solve your problems instead of feeling hopeless. All the things you listed above are fixable, it just takes time and effort.

Like I said though, it is really important to see someone about your depression because not only is it something you can't fix on your own but it's nothing to be embarrassed about. Thousands upon thousands battle depression daily, but almost everyone needs help to overcome it. I know I did/do.

[Absolution]

Well, if you don't have friends anymore because you're a "bit stranger" than them, well, then they weren't very good friends to begin with; and it isn't because you're fat; it's probably because you're always depressed. I'm not sure how accutane works, but if it's like any other med, you're not going to be on it forever; or if you don't want to be on it anymore, then stop taking it, is the acne only affecting your back? What exactly are you so sad or upset about that actually makes you consider suicide?

Physical appearance is something that you can control to some degree so if you put on a little weight, it shouldn't take long to get rid of it. Start swimming again, that works out every muscle in your body and you'll be back to your normal self relatively soon, you know this. Making friends is hard, and if you really considered these guys who abandoned you your real friends then make an effort to get back in touch with them.

If you could explain your situation a bit more, I could try to give better advice that's more specific to your problems.

[gwahir]

Good lord, is contemplating suicide better than having acne?

Acne is godawful, man, and I really feel your pain, but go with the lesser of two evils, here.

[Cryptic]

I had terrible acne too, and was on Accutane for a while. I had similar side effects. I didn't get the depression so much but I had terrible, TERRIBLE rages. I mean, like "roid rage" bad. And that's not me at all. I'm a pretty mellow guy over all. It takes a lot to get me screaming and breaking things angry. It was the pills. As soon as I stopped them I was fine within a week.

I went on minocycline and something else I don't remember to balance out my hormone levels and it worked great. I mean you got something for your acne in the first place to feel better about yourself, right? So how is being suicidal because of it a step in the right direction?

[Cool Runnings]

Well this is the last month and the depression isn't that bad anymore so I think I'm going to go back to normal after this last month of accutane.