Chuck Norris planning to take over the U.S.?

**djwolford** · 03-13-2009, 09:16 AM

Chuck Norris claims thousands of right wing cell groups exist and will rebel against U.S. government by local DC Special Interests Examiner expert, Ron Moore. Speaking on the Glen Beck radio show, Mr. Norris promised to run for president of Texas, if "things get any worse." According to the martial artist, Texas would be the optimal leader in a secession from the US, claiming that Texas was not formally part of the union in the first place. A live telecast, "We Surround Them", is scheduled for March 13th, to protest the current state of affairs in America.

Mr. Norris also found time during the broadcast to plug his next martial arts event, "Showdown in H-Town." The Chuck Norris legend, buoyed by several websites telling far-fetched Chuck Norris facts, continues to grow.

http://www.propeller.com/story/2009/...us-government/

**Pepsi** · 03-13-2009, 10:08 AM

This is odd.

**djwolford** · 03-13-2009, 10:20 AM

I lol'd at "President of Texas".

**Pepsi** · 03-13-2009, 10:22 AM

Jerry Jones is the Secretary of Commerce.

**MalReynolds** · 03-13-2009, 11:24 AM

Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the earth down.

Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he doesn't cry.

and finally, the newest

Chuck Norris is the only man to be more full of shit than Nixon.

**piranhas** · 03-13-2009, 11:25 AM

I cant wait until he dies of old age. Shouldnt be too much longer.

**djwolford** · 03-13-2009, 11:32 AM

When he does I'm hooking up with his wife.

**simonj** · 03-13-2009, 04:10 PM

If you kill Chuck Norris, do you become him?

**Space Cowboy** · 03-13-2009, 04:12 PM

I can only hope the next time Glenn Beck and Chuck Norris are in the same room, the building somehow explodes and they both die in burning agony.

**no_brains_no_worries** · 03-17-2009, 01:03 AM

Oh man. No matter how shitty my life gets, I'll always thank God I wasn't born in Texas.

**djwolford** · 03-17-2009, 07:36 AM

Originally Posted by simonj

If you kill Chuck Norris, do you become him?

I don't see why would even ask that question...you know that Chuck Norris can't be killed.

**no_brains_no_worries** · 03-18-2009, 10:02 AM

Originally Posted by djwolford

I don't see why would even ask that question...you know that Chuck Norris can't be killed.

Mr.T could take Norris. Hands down.

**djwolford** · 03-18-2009, 10:06 AM

Mr. T in his prime having an altercation with Chuck Norris would be a real life example of an unstoppable force hitting an unmovable object.

Nowadays Mr. T isn't all that great though. I mean he sells Flavorwave ovens now. Nothing bad ass about that. I'm pretty sure that Billy Mays could take Mr. T these days.

**no_brains_no_worries** · 03-18-2009, 10:20 AM

Originally Posted by djwolford

Mr. T in his prime having an altercation with Chuck Norris would be a real life example of an unstoppable force hitting an unmovable object.

Nowadays Mr. T isn't all that great though. I mean he sells Flavorwave ovens now. Nothing bad ass about that. I'm pretty sure that Billy Mays could take Mr. T these days.

Dude, George Foreman was selling grills for about ten years, got back into the ring at 48 and knocked out the champ. It's common knowledge that all brothas can summon up their innermost hatred for the system and the white man which fuels them to perform miracles.

Mr. T is just TNT waiting to go off! Mircrowave or no!

**djwolford** · 03-18-2009, 10:28 AM

George Foreman was still in great shape though, whereas Mr. T got fat. Chuck Norris would destroy him. Also Chuck has a fairly attractive wife and sells exercise machines. (I really hate talking about Chuck Norris because I know that it's only a matter of time before a Chuck Norris joke gets posted.)

**simonj** · 03-18-2009, 10:59 AM

Chuck Norris jokes aren't posted. They're MALED.

**jack burden** · 03-19-2009, 01:57 AM

Glenn Beck is an idiot. I can't believe anyone would even want to have a conversation with him. He might break down in tears.

**djwolford** · 03-19-2009, 02:11 PM

I like Glenn Beck.
(Glenn Beck to me is something like what Jon Stewart would be if he weren't an annoying liberal Jew.)
(Oh and also he covers real issues that actually matter to me.)

**jack burden** · 03-19-2009, 04:39 PM

Originally Posted by djwolford

I like Glenn Beck.
(Glenn Beck to me is something like what Jon Stewart would be if he weren't an annoying liberal Jew.)
(Oh and also he covers real issues that actually matter to me.)

He seems to me less of a satirist and more of a Charles Coughlin.

**djwolford** · 03-19-2009, 04:44 PM

Well I mean in terms of watchability. Of course, now that you mention it he does seem a little bit like Charles Coughlin, which makes me like him even more.

**YouBoo** · 03-19-2009, 09:13 PM

How did he get from selling exercise trinkets to terorism. ;

**simonj** · 03-19-2009, 09:38 PM

I'm sure there's a very direct link between the two.

Suddenly I'm very scared of the Billy Mays group...

**Snead** · 03-22-2009, 12:51 PM

Sort of on topic Larry Kilgore is running for Governor of Texas in 2010 with plans of secession.

**Sion** · 03-22-2009, 05:06 PM

Originally Posted by Snead

Sort of on topic Larry Kilgore is running for Governor of Texas in 2010 with plans of secession.

if he gets elected i will personally assassinate him.

**no_brains_no_worries** · 03-22-2009, 06:48 PM

Originally Posted by Sion

if he gets elected i will personally assassinate him.

I'm holding you to that.

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