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Thread: A poem about my dream

  1. #1
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    Default A poem about my dream

    I don't really expect anyone to read a poem here, but I figured I'd post it just in case. It has to do with a dream I had last night.

    The mouse runs and leaps through dirt
    Soot and ash and never gets hurt
    I watch waiting for it to stop
    To succumb to pain and sit and rot
    Dodging through fire it proves me wrong
    For now it is fearless but not for long
    It’s showing signs that its end may be near
    When it stops the playing that I held so dear

    I stumble back startled by its lack of life
    And trip on a root to begin my flight
    I’m now the mouse leaping through the dirt
    And like him too I’ll never get hurt
    Upon my landing I sit at the edge
    Of forest and cement and my newest pledge
    His teeth mean business but he does not
    Before I can fear he is off with a trot

    Now coming from a long distance I see
    A doe and a deer headed straight for me
    I sit back and watch so they can pass
    And I can finally enjoy nature at last
    When they’ve come and gone I leave my seat
    To go to the path and return to my feet
    On the path though I’m met with another beast
    This time one clearly larger than me

    The doe had a father its name was buck
    And on his antlers I saw the end of my luck
    Before it could get me though I got a tree
    And climbed as fast as my body allowed me
    It must have enjoyed my escape attempt
    Because it jeered and stomped and off it went
    Now safe I made my way back down
    To survey the area and look around

    What worried me now was my fantastic story
    And whether or not you’d think it a priori

  2. #2
    Senior Member Absolution's Avatar
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    Too Long.

    So I did not read.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Nick2.1's Avatar
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    I simply looked in this thread to see how many people didn't read it with me.

    1 so far.

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    λεγιων ονομα μοι sycld's Avatar
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    Oh GOD Internet poetry is the GREATEST.

    Seriously-- never rhyme two words EVER A-FUCKING-GAIN.


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    Quote Originally Posted by sycld View Post
    Oh GOD Internet poetry is the GREATEST.

    Seriously-- never rhyme two words EVER A-FUCKING-GAIN.
    I'm avant garde because I don't follow conventions and claim that standard rhyming is dead

  6. #6
    λεγιων ονομα μοι sycld's Avatar
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    No... that's not my point.

    My point is that the poem is bad.


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    Quote Originally Posted by sycld View Post
    No... that's not my point.

    My point is that the poem is bad.
    This is the part where I'm supposed to go, "yeah I just posted it for the hell of it, I didn't say that it was good or anything," and then the internet as a whole goes, "haha yeah right why did you post it then."

    I'm an award winning poet why else would poetry.com be sending me emails telling me I won the competition and that I just have to pay $100 to buy the book with my poem featured in it?

    Also if anyone has TOGS (was it togs?) poem about the girl hes in love with this would be an appropriate time to post it
    Last edited by jared; 09-30-2008 at 02:18 PM.

  8. #8
    λεγιων ονομα μοι sycld's Avatar
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    No, no, wait, you don't understand...

    Your poem is so bad that if I had written it I would have destroyed it and not posted it on teh internets.

    Also, your internet forum-style "look at me I'm going to play this down by being self-conscious I'm so cool" doesn't make it any better.

    So yeah... just stop.


    And it was Tidus that posted that poem. TOGS wouldn't make anything that retarded.


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  9. #9
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    I think you're taking this whole posting a poem on the internet thing a little too serious

  10. #10
    Scito Te Ipsum TheOriginalGrumpySpy's Avatar
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    It's evident you rhymed for the sake of rhyming. Especially to take the AA BB approach.

    If I may opine, poetry, to me, is more than word on a page; it's about meter.

    Also thank you sycld for trusting I could do better than A Fight of Heart

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    Quote Originally Posted by TheOriginalGrumpySpy View Post
    It's evident you rhymed for the sake of rhyming. Especially to take the AA BB approach.

    If I may opine, poetry, to me, is more than word on a page; it's about meter.

    Also thank you sycld for trusting I could do better than A Fight of Heart
    Didn't mean to pin you like that but I'm not as familiar with people here as I once was

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    λεγιων ονομα μοι sycld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheOriginalGrumpySpy View Post
    If I may opine, poetry, to me, is more than word on a page; it's about meter.
    If the Internet has taught me anything (including the OP's poem as an example), it's that poetry is "a series of couplets written with a 5th grade vocabulary."

    Alexander Pope would have responded to the OP's poem with this parody critiquing predictable couplet rhyming schemes:

    Quote Originally Posted by Teh Pope lolnoAlexander
    Where-e'er you find "the cooling western breeze,"
    In the next line, it "whispers through the trees;"
    If crystal streams "with pleasing murmurs creep,"
    The readers threatened (not in vain) with "sleep."
    PS WHAI WUZ TEH MUSE'S PLAYING SO DEAR


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  13. #13
    the common sense fairy solecistic's Avatar
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    lol

  14. #14
    Scito Te Ipsum TheOriginalGrumpySpy's Avatar
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    Rarely do I see anything beyond 2-syllable words.

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    λεγιων ονομα μοι sycld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheOriginalGrumpySpy View Post
    Rarely do I see anything beyond 2-syllable words.
    Sorry, you're right.

    I meant a 3rd grade vocabulary.


    In fact, there are only two words with more than two syllables in the entire poem, "fantastic" and "a priori," both of which are in the last stanza.


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  16. #16
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    hey good job guys

  17. #17
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    what do you mean think it a priori

    on a side note a math prof keeps using 'a priori' in philosophically incorrect contexts and you know how people think all math is a priori

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    Quote Originally Posted by mutton View Post
    what do you mean think it a priori

    on a side note a math prof keeps using 'a priori' in philosophically incorrect contexts and you know how people think all math is a priori
    In the context I meant that they would think it was all from my mind, or made up. In the dream I tried to tell people the story and no one believed me that it actually happened.

    All math is a priori if you live forever and are a genius to begin with. What contexts?

  19. #19
    8===D Malicious Intent's Avatar
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    this is what my english teacher would call dogrel.

  20. #20
    mutton mutton's Avatar
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    knowable from reason alone

  21. #21
    λεγιων ονομα μοι sycld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malicious Intent View Post
    this is what my english teacher would call dogrel.
    please.

    at least most doggerel is funny or tries to be.


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  22. #22
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    should I add more flare?

  23. #23
    Scito Te Ipsum TheOriginalGrumpySpy's Avatar
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    What have we learned from this thread?

  24. #24
    Senior Member Infernus's Avatar
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    so deep

  25. #25
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    we have learned that dreaming about squirrels is hazerdous 2 our writing skills...

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    You write poetry like a 13 year old girl. Therefore you are a 13 year old girl. Wanna cyber?

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    Quote Originally Posted by simonj View Post
    You write poetry like a 13 year old girl. Therefore you are a 13 year old girl. Wanna cyber?
    do you have yahoo

  28. #28
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    What we learned was this:

    You never post poetry online, ever.

  29. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheOriginalGrumpySpy View Post
    What we learned was this:

    You never post poetry online, ever.
    I wish I could stay up here forever
    I never want to come back down
    I wish there was something I could do
    Because something really bothers me
    And it’s the weather

  30. #30
    Merry fucking Christmas Atmosfear's Avatar
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    Okay look I don't want to hear about your dreams. It's like looking at pictures. If I'm not in them and no one is having sex in them I don't really care.

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