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Thread: A brief history of Mal

  1. #1
    the eagle
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    Default A brief history of Mal

    I was raised in a fairly tough city, in a fairly poor area. Poverty prevailed and the social injustices to blacks and those who were just downright downtrodden were ignored by the political capitalist machine. West Philly is where I was born. My mother often had to work late nights and day shifts to keep up with the apartment and bills, so I spent inordinate amounts of time on the playground trying to keep up with my friends as they all passed me, skill wise, at basketball.

    She worked on her knees cleaning carpets, making sure that there was enough food at the house to feed me. On the weekends, she knit scarves to sell to rich kids who were looking for something homemade, but "not from Mom". She was a shell by the time I was even able to recognize her, but she always wanted what was best for me.

    There were a bunch of rough and tumble gangsters that would ride through town in a beat up Chevy. On the bad days, they would fire their guns into the air, scare little kids into running from the streets, under stoops, staring out with beady eyes waiting until the thick sub-bass would finally pass. The police, they did nothing. They started making trouble in my neighborhood. Me and my boys, we tried to stop them. One little skirmish, and my mom, she freaked out... With good cause. 2 of my friends were cut down in a hail of gunfire after tense words were exchanged -- me and my guys, we hadn't even threatened physical violence at that point. They had just opened fire. Mom... I'd never seen her cry so hard. I had almost been shot. If I hadn't been so quick on my feet... I just hate to think of where I'd have ended up. She told me I had to move in with some west coast relatives - her brother, some stuffy judge and his wife.

    They flew me out, and when the jet landed, I hailed a cab. I thought that my rich uncle might have been decent enough to get me a limo, but my entire perusaul of the pick-up lane turned up empty hands. The cab I did find... It reeked of incense on the inside, but it was the only one available. There seemed to be a queue around the block, all reserved, so I thought man, "Forget it." I needed to get where I was going. The cab was a Chevy. I had flashbacks.

    I pulled up to the house at dus - a mammoth hillside cancer that had been dug so fervently into mother nature with little regard to her natural beauty - and told the cabbie cleverly that I would 'smell him later'.

    Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there
    To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel Air.

  2. #2
    the common sense fairy solecistic's Avatar
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    I thought better of you.

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    Merry fucking Christmas Atmosfear's Avatar
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    Mal I am generally not a fan of your fiction but I have to say...

    this is the worst to date.

  4. #4
    Merry fucking Christmas Atmosfear's Avatar
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    I mean of all the ways to ruin an old meme

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    Senior Member lolturnip's Avatar
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    I knew this was going to happen plus you still suck

  6. #6
    the eagle
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    Who the fuck did not see this coming. Honestly.

  7. #7
    Scito Te Ipsum TheOriginalGrumpySpy's Avatar
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    I never thought you would stoop so low.

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    Touch Me I'm Sick dudeman's Avatar
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    GO CLEAN UP YOUR ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM MAL

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    Scito Te Ipsum TheOriginalGrumpySpy's Avatar
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    This meme killed my wife.

  10. #10
    the eagle
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    Actually I grew up in Richmond and someone was shot down the block from my house. When that happened, my Mom (and Dad) sent me to live with my Aunt in the suburbs. She was married to a paralegal and they did have a nice house, but it wasn't the west coast. I only had to stay with them until the old house was sold/new house was purchased, a matter of a few weeks. The guy that was shot was the older brother of one of my school-mates who I would regularly play with. His older brother sold drugs and stolen goods and someone he was selling to got pissed off. Shot him right inside the house while his little brother was napping in the next room.

    So there's that.

  11. #11
    Scito Te Ipsum TheOriginalGrumpySpy's Avatar
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    Now that's a story.

  12. #12
    the eagle
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    I thought I had posted about that before on LWS. Which would make the Fresh Prince thing slightly funnier. Now I just look absent minded, although that could be due to the fact that I'm incredibly absent minded.

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    Senior Member Oats's Avatar
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    I posted my life story on IRC once and I don't plan to type it out again.

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    8===D Malicious Intent's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MalReynolds View Post
    Who the fuck did not see this coming. Honestly.



    dot dot dot.

  15. #15
    Prime Minister of Oztraya paulyt's Avatar
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    Well I must say

  16. #16
    the common sense fairy solecistic's Avatar
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    tsk tsk tsk

  17. #17
    Prime Minister of Oztraya paulyt's Avatar
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    ska ska ska

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    Sexual Deviant Vengeful Scars's Avatar
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    Lol, I think this is a recipe, and I plan to do no such investigating.

    One day I'll make a life story of trooths.

    I have a hard time remembering anything in my life, early drug use makes you retarded.

    JUST SAY NOES!
    lik dis if u cry evertim
    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. E View Post
    yes
    Quote Originally Posted by KT. View Post
    Oh I was expecting a guide to making meth

  19. #19
    A very manly muppet Mad Pino Rage's Avatar
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    I don't really know what to say. Except that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that..........AND THAT.
    Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth.
    Albert Einstein

  20. #20
    the common sense fairy solecistic's Avatar
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    neil you are a card


  21. #21
    λεγιων ονομα μοι sycld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by solecistic View Post
    neil you are a card

    wait wut

    which neil


    PANDAS
    If you don't like them, then get the fuck out.

    Quote Originally Posted by Think View Post
    Atheists are quite right

  22. #22
    Scito Te Ipsum TheOriginalGrumpySpy's Avatar
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    The non-indian one.

  23. #23
    the common sense fairy solecistic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sycld View Post
    wait wut

    which neil
    Niel is the one who ruined LWS. N-I-E-L. You fuckers all think it's a misspelling, but he spelled his own name that way because his real name is Niheel and Indians sometimes make their names less difficult to say for Americans. Thus, Niheel -> Niel.

    Neil is MPR, and he is not Indian. N-e-i-l is the normal, American way to spell the name. Neil has naked photos of himself floating around the Flames community, a history of strange Internet forum behavior, and joined the military.

    kdone

  24. #24
    λεγιων ονομα μοι sycld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by solecistic View Post
    Niel is the one who ruined LWS. N-I-E-L. You fuckers all think it's a misspelling, but he spelled his own name that way because his real name is Niheel and Indians sometimes make their names less difficult to say for Americans. Thus, Niheel -> Niel.

    Neil is MPR, and he is not Indian. N-e-i-l is the normal, American way to spell the name. Neil has naked photos of himself floating around the Flames community, a history of strange Internet forum behavior, and joined the military.

    kdone
    Okay okay I didn't know that MPR's real name was Neil.

    And people have mispelled that Indian Niel's nickname before.


    Finally, MPR might have a normal, American name, but he be Asian.

    Really finally-- Where are the nood pics of his fine military-sculpted body? D:


    PANDAS
    If you don't like them, then get the fuck out.

    Quote Originally Posted by Think View Post
    Atheists are quite right

  25. #25
    the common sense fairy solecistic's Avatar
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    I don't have them. But they are hottttt.

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    Quote Originally Posted by solecistic View Post
    I don't have them. But they are hottttt.
    Way to get sycld's hopes up. Good job.

  27. #27
    λεγιων ονομα μοι sycld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ViciousMentality View Post
    Way to get sycld's balls blue. Good job.
    More like this D:


    PANDAS
    If you don't like them, then get the fuck out.

    Quote Originally Posted by Think View Post
    Atheists are quite right

  28. #28
    Band simonj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by solecistic View Post
    Niel is the one who ruined LWS. N-I-E-L. You fuckers all think it's a misspelling, but he spelled his own name that way because his real name is Niheel and Indians sometimes make their names less difficult to say for Americans. Thus, Niheel -> Niel.

    Neil is MPR, and he is not Indian. N-e-i-l is the normal, American way to spell the name. Neil has naked photos of himself floating around the Flames community, a history of strange Internet forum behavior, and joined the military.

    kdone
    Sorry? American? I think you'll find it's BRITISH like all truly decent names. American names are pathetic pussy names like Van or Topper or Trig or Barack.

    (technically Neil is an Irish name but I refuse to recognise Irish independence therefore it is British).

  29. #29
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    (although, I refuse to recognise American independence so shitty names like Trig must be British as well)

  30. #30
    the common sense fairy solecistic's Avatar
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    can't americans and british people ever get along on the internet

    i am going to bridge this gap

    simonj i rather like that fancy red coat

    can we start healing

  31. #31
    Merry fucking Christmas Atmosfear's Avatar
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    fight fight fight amerikkka is right

  32. #32
    look, it's a victrola's Avatar
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    Summary of this thread:

    Lolcats would have been more interesting.
    quotes from the internet

  33. #33
    Band simonj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by solecistic View Post
    can't americans and british people ever get along on the internet

    i am going to bridge this gap

    simonj i rather like that fancy red coat

    can we start healing
    Thing is, it was made in China...

  34. #34
    the eagle
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    I'll bridge the gap between the Brits and the Americans.

    With my fists of fucking fury.

  35. #35
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    We all have bad teeth over here so there's a lot of bridging gaps.

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