I was arrested.

**Anonymous** · 05-18-2009, 12:22 AM

On Tuesday. I spent the night in jail, and I can honestly say it was the most terrifying experience of my entire life.

Basically, the reason why was of because of my ex girlfriend. I'm 18, and she's 16. The age of consent in Illinois is 17. Yes, I'm aware that it was a STUPID decision to take it to another level between me and her, but I was in love with her at the moment. We broke up because she's extremely obsessive, controlling, selfish, and cold. She didn't want it to end and gave me a choice : Take her back, or she'll go to the cops. I obviously didn't, because I was sure she was bluffing, but I was clearly wrong. She told them that we had sex, which we did.

I was questioned by a detective. Basically saying if it's true, etc. I admitted to it because apparently, he was doing an investigation. Asking my neighbors questions, and so on. He said that it will be a misdemeanor, and assured me that the most I'd do would be to agree to never speak to her again. While I was being processed (picture, fingerprints, etc) I was speaking to the officer about it. He was a great guy, and after I explained everything, he thought it was rather unfair. Anyways, he also said that the most I would do is agree to never speak to her again or some type of community service.

I spent the night in a cell, luckily alone. I rarely got any sleep, but I managed to hang in there. I went to court in the morning, at 9:00am. Went in front of a judge, which was a bond hearing. I answered his questions by a simple "Yes/no sir", and fortunately, I was released by a "No content", which pretty much means if I sign a paper, agreeing not to speak to her, I was free. Obviously, I did.

I have another court day on June 1. I spoke to my lawyer (Public. My family is having a hard time with money at the moment) in person, and he said that there was 2 ways of defending that type of case. 1) Say it's all bs, or 2) Tell them I didn't know how old she was. Neither was an option because again, I admitted to it all. He said that if the prosecution wins, I will most likely will become a registered sex offender, which is life ruining. However, he also said that they can negotiate with the prosecutor and lower the chargers to battery. He was rather confident that that'll happen because this is the FIRST time I've EVER been arrested.

I'm extremely terrified. I keep thinking the worst will happen. But this is the first time I've EVER been arrested, was completely honest about the whole thing (Detective said it'll help a lot), and was assured by the detective and a police officer that the most would be community service, but who knows. I also have done whatever I could to avoid her.

I need an opinion from someone rather than friends and family about this. What do you think will happen? And please, don't insult me by calling me an idiot, pervert, etc. I already feel like a complete failure. Thank you.

Note : While I was arrested, I constantly got "You don't look like you deserve to be here" by officers. Could that help a bit?

**Shinysides** · 05-18-2009, 12:29 AM

The only way what that detective told you will help at all is if you can contact him and get him to speak on your behalf. Offer up as much evidence as possible in your favor, and make sure you're getting the best deal you can. It sucks, but you aren't just gonna get a slap on the wrist most likely. Although, your first mistake was admitting to it. You never, ever admit anything to the cops, or even say any words other than to ask for your lawyer. The legal system is no joke, and they play hardball. Do what you can, and good luck. Hopefully you'll get a good deal.

**sponge** · 05-18-2009, 07:14 AM

Originally Posted by Shinysides

Although, your first mistake was admitting to it.

This. Remember Miranda.

**MalReynolds** · 05-18-2009, 02:08 PM

Originally Posted by sponge

This. Remember Miranda.

Why would remembering the planet where the Alliance tested the Pax-Drug have any impact on his hearing?

...

**Infernus** · 05-18-2009, 04:17 PM

Originally Posted by MalReynolds

Why would remembering the planet where the Alliance tested the Pax-Drug have any impact on his hearing?

...

You're probably joking but hes referring to the miranda rights.

**Syme** · 05-18-2009, 04:45 PM

Your biggest mistake wasn't sleeping with an underage girl (my sympathies for how she screwed you over), it was admitting to anything while being interviewed by the police without your lawyer present. For future reference, when the police are questioning you and there is a possibility that you've committed a crime, you should NEVER say ANYTHING without a lawyer present, no matter how friendly and helpful the cops seem, no matter how much they tell you it will help, and no matter how much it seems like they aren't trying to get you. Shinysides is right, the legal system plays hardball. They can and will tell you that you won't get into any trouble, then turn around and charge you after you admit to something. Again, for future reference... Never never never admit to anything or answer any questioning without a lawyer present. Just politely say that you're sorry but you can't answer any questions until you have a lawyer.

That said, based on the limited amount of information about your case, I'd say that it sounds like you have a decent chance of getting away from this with a minor sentence and no entry in a sex offender registry. Unfortunately no-one here is going to be able to give you any definitive reassurances because we just don't know how the judge will react to you, this girl, the facts of the case, and so forth. But you should have at least a fighting chance. Good luck, man. My heart goes out to you and I hope you can beat this shitty rap.

**KT.** · 05-18-2009, 05:34 PM

Originally Posted by Syme

For future reference, when the police are questioning you and there is a possibility that you've committed a crime, you should NEVER say ANYTHING without a lawyer present, no matter how friendly and helpful the cops seem, no matter how much they tell you it will help, and no matter how much it seems like they aren't trying to get you.

Never talk to the police.

This is a very interesting video. It's a little long but worth it.

**faesce** · 05-18-2009, 05:40 PM

i can vouch for the dont talk to the police biz too firsthand

grownuP a little since then but take my word for it~ don't talk to police no matter how right they make it seem

**Bdraes** · 05-18-2009, 07:02 PM

Christ how I wish I woulda kept my mouth shut when talking to the cops when I was arrested this one time. I have no idea about American laws so I can't really say much other than this particular incident seems mental. You're not an idiot and definitely not a "pervert". I will say that girl is a complete twat though(can I say that?).

**sycld** · 05-18-2009, 11:15 PM

Jesus Christ. I'm so sorry; that sucks. The law is neurotic sometimes, especially when it comes to sexual offenses.

**dudeman** · 05-19-2009, 09:33 PM

Originally Posted by KT.

Never talk to the police.

YouTube - Dont Talk to Police

This is a very interesting video. It's a little long but worth it.

I have watched this before and advise that EVERYONE do the same. KT, you should put this in Video Vault.

As for OP's problem, to be frank, things aren't looking in your favor at all. As the video states, the law will often untruthfully reason with you; as in your case, they told you that you'd just be let go with a slap on the wrist if you confessed.

These laws are so fucked. My friend's stepmother is now on predator databases for housing a friend of hers who (unknown to her) sold drugs to minors and was sighted by police. She was charged with "contributing to the delinquency of a minor" or some shit.

**Anonymous** · 05-19-2009, 11:53 PM

OP here.

Thanks for the replies and support.

As I stated earlier, my lawyer was confident that he could drop the charges down to battery. I personally am thinking the worse will happen, but hoping for the best. Basically, she told the police we had sex, etc. There was no vaginal swab or anything like that. I, like a moron, admitted to it. Again, I've never been arrested before and was completely terrified.

She's been on medication for depression, and anxiety for years now. She's been in the psychiatric ward, is seeing a psychologist, and has been diagnosed with mid bi-polar ism. She use to cut herself, and has scars all over her arms. I've never been arrested before. Never have had any trouble with the law, and have done whatever is necessary to avoid her (Got my number changed, etc). I've tried to break things off MULTIPLE times, but she'd always threaten to kill herself. My friends, and family know this and if it comes down to it, are willing to testify.

Surely, that ALL is an advantage for me...right?

**Shinysides** · 05-20-2009, 12:21 AM

Originally Posted by Anonymous

OP here.

Thanks for the replies and support.

As I stated earlier, my lawyer was confident that he could drop the charges down to battery. I personally am thinking the worse will happen, but hoping for the best. Basically, she told the police we had sex, etc. There was no vaginal swab or anything like that. I, like a moron, admitted to it. Again, I've never been arrested before and was completely terrified.

She's been on medication for depression, and anxiety for years now. She's been in the psychiatric ward, is seeing a psychologist, and has been diagnosed with mid bi-polar ism. She use to cut herself, and has scars all over her arms. I've never been arrested before. Never have had any trouble with the law, and have done whatever is necessary to avoid her (Got my number changed, etc). I've tried to break things off MULTIPLE times, but she'd always threaten to kill herself. My friends, and family know this and if it comes down to it, are willing to testify.

Surely, that ALL is an advantage for me...right?

Yep, but when it comes down to it, you broke the law. Seriously consider any deals offered, and hope that your judge sees what really happened.

**sponge** · 05-20-2009, 12:28 AM

Originally Posted by Anonymous

Surely, that ALL is an advantage for me...right?

In my mind (and partly to play devil's advocate) if I were the DA I would see this as you taking advantage of a young person instead of getting them help. Someone threatening to kill them self doesn't need more sex, they need help.

That said I'm not the DA and you may get one that sees that you're a first time offender (for anything) and recognize that while perhaps you made poor choices you were caught in the moment.

**Anonymous** · 05-20-2009, 12:47 AM

Originally Posted by sponge

In my mind (and partly to play devil's advocate) if I were the DA I would see this as you taking advantage of a young person instead of getting them help. Someone threatening to kill them self doesn't need more sex, they need help.

That said I'm not the DA and you may get one that sees that you're a first time offender (for anything) and recognize that while perhaps you made poor choices you were caught in the moment.

OP here.

I really dislike how everyone thinks that if someone older is dating someone younger, it's because of sex. The fact of the matter is, that in my situation, that was far from it.

She use to heavily drink and do drugs, and I stopped her from doing that. She use to cut, and I stopped her from doing that. She'd fail classes and skip, but I encouraged her to go and get good grades. She was involved with just the wrong people, and I got her away from that. The whole reason why she's seeing a psychologist was because I told her she needed help for the reasons I listed above. Me and her were close friends, and as I tried to help her, feelings changed from friends, to something more. Even when we were together, I helped her.

**Shinysides** · 05-20-2009, 12:57 AM

Originally Posted by Anonymous

OP here.

I really dislike how everyone thinks that if someone older is dating someone younger, it's because of sex. The fact of the matter is, that in my situation, that was far from it.

She use to heavily drink and do drugs, and I stopped her from doing that. She use to cut, and I stopped her from doing that. She'd fail classes and skip, but I encouraged her to go and get good grades. She was involved with just the wrong people, and I got her away from that. The whole reason why she's seeing a psychologist was because I told her she needed help for the reasons I listed above. Me and her were close friends, and as I tried to help her, feelings changed from friends, to something more. Even when we were together, I helped her.

Sounds like you ended up becoming a crutch that she was terrified of losing. Seriously put everything you have into your defense. You want the judge to literally laugh this out of the courtroom. Just do what you can and hope for the best. You got taken advantage of, which sucks, but it teaches you to watch your back better next time. Good luck OP, keep us updated, I'd be interested to know what happens.

**faesce** · 05-20-2009, 07:24 AM

you could always try to get your confession thrown out if it was strictly verbal (sometimes it obv. varies)

without a confession i somehow see a judge believing you over her

**sycld** · 05-20-2009, 09:22 PM

Originally Posted by sycld

Jesus Christ. I'm so sorry; that sucks. The law is neurotic sometimes, especially when it comes to sexual offenses.

oh wait this is the internets...

what i meant to say was:

OMG YOU STUPID ASSHOLE THIS WILL TEACH YOU TO DATE SOMEONE 2 TO 1 AND A HALF YEARS YOUNGER THAN YOU

edit: jesus I was being ironic >_>

edit#2: i don't know what a "princess stealer" is...

**Anonymous D** · 05-20-2009, 11:04 PM

I had an ex threaten me with that before. I got lucky and she didnt do anything though.

You need to just straight up tell the judge you do not want to be registered as a sex offender because you had sex with you gf who is 2 years younger than you. HE holds the power. You need to be as nice to the judge as possible, and since you have already confessed, tell the truth.

**Anonymous** · 05-21-2009, 12:38 PM

OP here.

Just 10 days left till court. I'm still terrified, but gained a bit more confidence thanks to some of the replies. Thank you.

I've written a letter that I hope I can read to the judge at my hearing, and would like to know what you guys think about it. I just finished writing it literally 2-3 minutes ago, so I apologize for errors, etc. Feel free to add some pointers.

"Your honor,

I am not going to stand here and tell you that I've done nothing wrong, or deny the accusations. Even though I was absolutely terrified, and still am, I told the truth with hesitation. But I want you to understand ma'am/sir, that what I've done wasn't to simply take advantage of name removed by mods. I truly was in love with her. I cared about her deeply, and wanted the best for her. Before we began dating, we were very close friends. Even though we had a crush with one another, we laughed at the idea of being together because of the age difference. At the time, she was heavily into alcohol, drugs, and just simply talking to the wrong people. We began dating because, well, it was one of those "caught in the moment" incidents. It was completely idiotic, and though I knew it was wrong, I let my emotions get the best of me. I tried to help her stop doing those horrible things to herself, but she refused to. There were points were I thought I achieved, but rather than her learning she didn't need those things in her life, she just learned to hide it better and better from me as time went by. I couldn't take it anymore. I tried to break things off before me and her did ANYTHING sexual, but she refused to let go. She would literally show up at my door step unannounced repeatedly, begging for another chance. There was one incident were she called me 40 times in an hour. And another, were showed up at my home after school, with a small box cutter blade in her hand, cutting herself till I opened the door. It got to the point that in order for her to get me to take her back, she'd threaten to kill herself. She attempted to do just that a few times before I knew her by overdosing, alcohol poising, and slitting her wrist. I wasn't aware of ANY of that till after we began dating. I obviously out of fear, took her back. Hoping that things would get better, I encouraged her to get proffesional help. Though it took her MONTHS to finally agree to it, she did. She began seeing a psychologist, a psychiatrist for her depression and anxiety medication, and even stayed at the psychiatric ward for a week. By that time, I couldn't deal with it anymore and decided to let go, no matter what. Again, she refused to, but I didn't give in. Rather than threatening to kill herself however, she threatened to tell the police about us, yet, I didn't take her back. Now we're here. The sole reason why I'm here is for the simply fact that I didn't want to take her back. Even though what I did was wrong, I don't think that's fair. I feel like a complete failure to my friends, my family, and to society in general your honor. I'm extremely ashamed and embarrassed. But I hope you give me the chance to redeem myself ma'am/sir. Prior to this incident, I've NEVER been arrested or had ANY trouble with the law. I've done whatever I can to completely avoid her by getting my number changed for example. This experience will haunt me for the rest of my life, but I don't want it to stop me from achieving my goals and dreams because of ONE mistake I made. I beg you your honor, please don't register me as a sex offender. I'd me more than willing to do community service, or probation. Thank you."

Thanks again to those who have helped.

**Shinysides** · 05-21-2009, 12:53 PM

If you don't get the opportunity to read your letter to the judge, ask your lawyer to call you as a witness and then have you explain your situation in your own words. Sounds like your ex is a psycho bitch. When I was in high school, a good friend of mine had his ex girlfriend tell the counselors at school that he raped her, because he broke up with her. Girls at that age are fucking psycho man. You didn't do anything wrong, but the law is fucked up. Hopefully you get out with a slap on the wrist. I'll be expecting an update in ten days.

**sycld** · 05-21-2009, 09:08 PM

First, for your sake, I have reported your post to request an admin to censor the name of the other party in this case in the body of the letter. Again, this is for YOUR sake: you should NOT be dropping her name on random internet sites, ESPECIALLY if she's a minor.

Secondly, I think the letter certainly will do the job, and any reasonable person reading it could definitely understand why you do not deserve to be labeled as an offender. However, and again for your sake, I hope that you used paragraph breaks instead of making it one block of text. Some of those judges are old and have poor eyesight, you know

**Vengeful Scars** · 05-22-2009, 04:14 PM

I know a guy who was 18 or 19 and had sex with a 16 year old. He's a registered sex offender and the only thing that kept him from having to tell his neighbors/have a "I'm a sex offender" sign in his front yard was the fact his grandparents paid $10,000 for something(didn't catch that detail too well). He also served 18 months in jail.

It sucks, but you'll probably be branded for the rest of your life, I hope everything goes well, but the law is really just trying to make you look bad and get your money

**Bdraes** · 05-28-2009, 10:46 PM

The whole law makes me sick. The government needs to change it and not just take EVERY case into court. I'm not an American citizen(as I've said before), but I'm sure it costs a fair amount of your tax dollars for this garbage. 18 and 16 are both teens, young adults, in my opinion. It's ridiculous. Plus I don't understand why the different states have different laws. Something as serious as this should be for the whole country, not just change as you enter and exit a state.

These laws were meant for much older men taking advantage of much younger girls, not for an 18 year old young adult sleeping with his(roughly) 1 1/2 year old younger girlfriend. Give me a break.

**mrbazoun** · 05-30-2009, 11:01 PM

Hey man, I think you said your court date was ten days from the 21st, so the 31st (which is upon us). Let us know how it goes! I am praying for you and wish you the best of luck.

**nine castles** · 06-01-2009, 03:27 AM

I know it's too late and Syme already covered it, but damn, there is NO reason to talk to police about anything, ever, whether you are guilty or innocent. Don't ever talk to them about criminal activity whatsoever. If a cop asks you questions about anything, you say: "I'm sorry officer but if you have any more questions of that nature you'll have to direct them to my lawyer." Then SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. That "cool guy" cop was playing you for a sucker, and they told you that you won't be charged and acted friendly toward you because it kept you talking. They told you that being honest would help a lot because it kept you talking. They were lying to you.

Learn from this. Don't say anything to anyone without your lawyers OK and if you plan to read a statement in court, clear it with your lawyer first. Do whatever he says because he's your only hope at this point. Maybe you have a chance that you won't get a serious conviction but you also have a chance that you will go to prison on a felony so you need to take this fucking seriously and gave a plan. And here's your plan: SHUT THE HELL UP. Say nothing to anyone about this no matter how many times they ask you. Don't talk to your friends, don't talk to your family, don't talk to the guy across the street who jeers at you about this. In fact, don't post in this thread anymore. You have nothing to say to anyone except your lawyer and in private. Period. Please trust me about this. You've already made this problem a lot worse than it had to be by confessing. Please, learn from that mistake and don't dig that hole any deeper. Keep your mouth SHUT!