View Poll Results: Should I work on this nonsense?

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10. You may not vote on this poll
  • Polish that turd and deliver us the final product.

    8 80.00%
  • Don't do that.

    4 40.00%
  • djwolford now seriously wtf is wrong with you?

    6 60.00%
  • The dildo needs to be a different color. (Please state desired color)

    3 30.00%
  • Story needs more Sean Salmon.

    6 60.00%
Multiple Choice Poll.
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Thread: Should I work on this story or pretend it never happened?

  1. #1
    I loves sausage festival! djwolford's Avatar
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    Default Should I work on this story or pretend it never happened?

    This is just a rough idea that I just came up with and jotted down over the course of maybe five-ten minutes, if I actually worked on throwing in some more characters, a bit of depth and some more plot points, I'd want it to be around 100-150 pages typed. I'd just like to have a fun little project to keep me busy for a while and can't think of anything better than writing some off the wall short story. Either way I'll probably post it here if I finish it so that all of you can not read it when I do.

    So anyone who is willing to read this absurdness, please comment. Without further adieu,

    Dildo Flea Market

    Well the story opens up with me driving through a small town (Picture it being San Francisco hills-eque), when a cop pulls me over. I was going the speed limit and not doing anything illegal, yet he and several locals accuse me of speeding. We have a brief argument and he writes me a ticket. I arrive at my destination, this little indoor flea market type deal.

    I walk in and look around, and finally stop at this little stand that sells dildos and smoking accessories, and I pocket this little pot pipe while the person who runs it isn't looking, and end up buying this little blue vibrator and an energy drink from him. Anyway, as I'm trying to leave, the officer from earlier comes in and starts questioning me. We walk over to a side booth which is empty and he asks me to empty out my pockets. I do and explain to him that I just bought the items from the booth. He holds up the dildo and asks the person who was running it if I just paid him for some merchandise, the officer says yes. He sees the pipe and asks if I have any drugs hidden on me, I say no. He asks if he's going to find any resin in the pipe and I explain to him that I just got it from the little booth where he approached me. He seems to believe the story and gives my stuff back to me.

    At this point, I'm a little bit frustrated and walk towards the main entrance, only to see a fence running all around the building with guys in S.W.A.T. gear patrolling the outside of it. I assume that something big has happened and go back to ask the cop if he knows what might have gone down. After a quick search, I give up on looking for him and decide to go ask one of the S.W.A.T. guys. He is uncooperative and tells me that he can't tell me anything about what is going on. So I ask if I can leave, and he says that nobody is allowed to leave right now. So I'm thinking that it's just a response to some kind of incident, maybe someone went nuts and is holding hostages in the area or trying to pick people off with a sniper rifle and they're just trying to keep things under control for now.

    I go back into the flea market and look at some more booths, ending up at a sporting good section with some strange weighted golf club looking things that have these attachments sold alongside them. Some look like hammers, some look like broadsword tips, some look like battle axes...just a wide assortment of odd shapes. Then I look around some more and decide to see if people are being allowed to leave yet. The S.W.A.T. guys are inside the fence as well now, and I ask one when we'll be allowed to leave. He tells me that we won't be. I stare back in amazement and ask him "What do you mean we won't be?". He looks back and says "No one is leaving this area.".

    So at this point I freak out a little bit. As he turns away, I pull the dildo out of my bag and stick up against his back. I tell him that I haven't done anything to warrant being imprisoned like this and that I want out now. I flip the switch on the vibrator and tell him that I don't want to have to use it, but I will. A brief spark of fear hits his face and he says "Ok, follow me". I follow him to the back of the building, through some hallways, and towards a back entrance. We walk through some back alleys, take a left on a small side road and end up right back at the front gate. I look behind me to see another giant fence in the distance. Apparently, there is no escaping the dildo flea market...

    Quote Originally Posted by Toki
    Oh, gives to me opposites werewolves that turns to humans whens the moons comes outs!
    Quote Originally Posted by Toki
    We's not goes downs that dusty roads again!
    Quote Originally Posted by Pickles
    Toki is that straight vadka? It's not even noon...

  2. #2
    cowabunga
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    man..

  3. #3
    λεγιων ονομα μοι sycld's Avatar
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    voted opt. 1 and 3.

    blue is pretty much the perfect color for the dildo.


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  4. #4
    Senior Member piranhas's Avatar
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    Its like a fucked up goosebump story.

  5. #5
    Band simonj's Avatar
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    djwolford if you do not finish this story I will blow up several hospitals.

  6. #6
    I loves sausage festival! djwolford's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by simonj View Post
    djwolford if you do not finish this story I will blow up several hospitals.
    Honestly that's better motivation for me to not work on it than it is for me to work on it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Toki
    Oh, gives to me opposites werewolves that turns to humans whens the moons comes outs!
    Quote Originally Posted by Toki
    We's not goes downs that dusty roads again!
    Quote Originally Posted by Pickles
    Toki is that straight vadka? It's not even noon...

  7. #7
    Band simonj's Avatar
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    Well, do what you want. Either way hospitals is gonna get blowed up. Some cancer-ridden kids pissed me off a couple days ago. Sure, I could wait for nature to take its course but I like 'splosions.

  8. #8
    Dr. Freebie Drunkmike's Avatar
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    I voted all options before I read it like a jackass. I just read the story and I like it, and I like your style of writing, very simple and easy to follow. I suggest you finish the story, but I think that 100-150 pages will be WAY too long.
    Just my thoughts hope that helps.

  9. #9
    I loves sausage festival! djwolford's Avatar
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    Thanks Drunkmike. I was wondering if 100-150 pages would be too long or too in depth given the fairly simple story line, so it may end up being much shorter than that. I should have plenty of time to finish it until I get my internet service transferred so it should be good to go within a couple of weeks if I work at it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Toki
    Oh, gives to me opposites werewolves that turns to humans whens the moons comes outs!
    Quote Originally Posted by Toki
    We's not goes downs that dusty roads again!
    Quote Originally Posted by Pickles
    Toki is that straight vadka? It's not even noon...

  10. #10
    ))) joke, relax ;) coqauvin's Avatar
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    just write the story

    it will be as long as it takes to tell it
    Quote Originally Posted by Nermy2k View Post
    yeah obviously we'd all suck our alternate universe dicks there was never any question about that
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmosfear
    I don't know if Obama did anything to make that happen, but I do know that he didn't do anything to stop me from blaming him.

  11. #11
    Scito Te Ipsum TheOriginalGrumpySpy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by coqauvin View Post
    just write the story

    it will be as long as it takes to tell it
    Last edited by TheOriginalGrumpySpy; 08-16-2009 at 04:39 PM.

    "In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart." -Anne Frank


    “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.” -Buddha

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  12. #12
    Strangle Hazard thank mr skeltal's Avatar
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    chartreuse or lime green dildo

  13. #13
    ))) joke, relax ;) coqauvin's Avatar
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    togs there was no open hostility to my post what is wrong with you
    Quote Originally Posted by Nermy2k View Post
    yeah obviously we'd all suck our alternate universe dicks there was never any question about that
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmosfear
    I don't know if Obama did anything to make that happen, but I do know that he didn't do anything to stop me from blaming him.

  14. #14
    ))) joke, relax ;) coqauvin's Avatar
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    ...are you on your period?
    Quote Originally Posted by Nermy2k View Post
    yeah obviously we'd all suck our alternate universe dicks there was never any question about that
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmosfear
    I don't know if Obama did anything to make that happen, but I do know that he didn't do anything to stop me from blaming him.

  15. #15
    Dr. Freebie Drunkmike's Avatar
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    ??? what did he say?


    DJ please post updates!

  16. #16
    Scito Te Ipsum TheOriginalGrumpySpy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by coqauvin View Post
    togs there was no open hostility to my post what is wrong with you
    I was fucking agreeing with you.

    "In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart." -Anne Frank


    “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.” -Buddha

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  17. #17
    λεγιων ονομα μοι sycld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Drunkmike View Post
    ??? what did he say?
    and what is the fate of that brave blue little dildo?! where does it end up!!!!?!!?


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  18. #18
    ))) joke, relax ;) coqauvin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheOriginalGrumpySpy View Post
    I was fucking agreeing with you.
    that's better
    Quote Originally Posted by Nermy2k View Post
    yeah obviously we'd all suck our alternate universe dicks there was never any question about that
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmosfear
    I don't know if Obama did anything to make that happen, but I do know that he didn't do anything to stop me from blaming him.

  19. #19
    the eagle
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    100-150 pages is, monetarily speaking, useless anyway. It's too long to be an effective novella, too short to be an effective novel. The best shot at publication would be serialization in an adult magazine (not because of the content, but because they're more likely to serialize longer works) or as part of a short story compilation - but those are tricky to publish, as most agents won't represent a first time author for a book of short stories/novellas.

    Now, the story-teller in me wants to read it, but market wise, 100-150 pages is a dead zone. Besides, word count is more important anyway.

    In any case, work on it. I find that most stories worth telling will eventually get out, and if you decided this one is a dud ten pages out the gate, then it's a dud. There's no harm is starting and not finishing if you don't like it.

  20. #20
    cowabunga
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    Quote Originally Posted by MalReynolds View Post
    100-150 pages is, monetarily speaking, useless anyway. It's too long to be an effective novella, too short to be an effective novel. The best shot at publication would be serialization in an adult magazine (not because of the content, but because they're more likely to serialize longer works) or as part of a short story compilation - but those are tricky to publish, as most agents won't represent a first time author for a book of short stories/novellas.

    Now, the story-teller in me wants to read it, but market wise, 100-150 pages is a dead zone. Besides, word count is more important anyway.

    In any case, work on it. I find that most stories worth telling will eventually get out, and if you decided this one is a dud ten pages out the gate, then it's a dud. There's no harm is starting and not finishing if you don't like it.
    so much gay in one post i can't believe my eyes follow your nose where ever it goes toucan sam

  21. #21
    hotter than a $2 pistol gorefinger's Avatar
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    I'm not gonna lie, I'd like to know what happens next in this story.

  22. #22
    the eagle
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    Quote Originally Posted by faesce View Post
    so much gay in one post i can't believe my eyes follow your nose where ever it goes toucan sam
    smile smile smile

  23. #23
    cowabunga
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    i got negrepped FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KKKKKkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkKKKKkkkkkkkk kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

  24. #24
    cowabunga
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    that just ruined my day (make sure to neg rep this post too to throw salt in da wound)

    edit: 3 so far keep it up
    edit: 4 LETS GO PEOPLE PUSH
    edit: ok whos the smartass who posrepped me
    Last edited by faesce; 08-18-2009 at 08:58 PM.

  25. #25
    λεγιων ονομα μοι sycld's Avatar
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    hey dj worked much on the story yet?


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  26. #26
    the eagle
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    Oh, I posirepped you. My bad. Won't happen again.

    Also status update on story?

  27. #27
    cowabunga
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    yea i know you did but somebody else did after you and didnt leave their name fucking scumbags

  28. #28
    Merry fucking Christmas Atmosfear's Avatar
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    Leaving your name after posirepping is like asking for mutual masturbation

  29. #29
    the eagle
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    Not with faesce.

  30. #30
    cowabunga
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    receive some dome and pick up the phone
    mama aint home

    mama aint home

  31. #31
    Back to work tester! coldfyre's Avatar
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    The story lacks.... Zaz.

    It just, it needs some more zaz!

  32. #32
    Band simonj's Avatar
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    What's wrong with mutual masturbation?

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