I've tried just about everything in the world to fix this MrTroy.. it's no hope. I followed your link, did my steps, went to method 3 since my services.msc had Automatic Updates missing from its services.msc for Vista.

Then it links me to Windows Update agent, which, honestly, is so stupid, someone check the link out for me please, It's freaking retarded. All it does is tell you to press the start menu and click Windows Update... [no fking duh] And then I tried to download the Application "Windows Update Agent x64" that is linked in the link you gave me and it says Windows Update Agent Installer encountered an unrecoverable error. I don't know why but I haven't looked into that problem yet.

I need to go to work now but I'll keep checking this dead-end when I get back.