Awful. Piece of shit.

But since the first movie is one of the worst films I've ever seen, I wasn't expecting much. This film FAILED so hard.

Negative points:

- The Twins, Mudflap and Fuckface, two robots that have distinctly... 'ethnic' voices, gold teeth... That can't read. That was wonderful.
- Heaven being full of giant robots that can, in our realm, restore objects to real form.
- A giant robot having testicles for nothing more than a joke.
- Sam's mom getting high for a joke.
- 90% OF the jokes not working.
- Almost 3 hours.
- Not enough robots fighting.
- Decepticon Girl trying to seduce Sam - he doesn't notice that she is made out of machine.
- Stupid inter-relationship tension between Sam and Mikela.
- Mikela's father getting introduced only to have no bearing on the plot.
- Sam's parents getting kidnapped.
- Sam's parents.
- Sam (Nothing against Shia, I thought he was great - the character was not.)
- The script.
- Toy truck robot fucking Megan Fox's foot.

On the plus side,

+ Jetfire was pretty funny.
+ I could tell what was going on in the fights this time.

I was disappointed, because it starts really cool - the 30 minute battle in Shanghai, then the inter-political stuff that makes Obama look like a sissy for taking over NEST via that nebbish government worker, but then things went down hill when Sam and Mikela came on screen.

The movie just blew. It appealed to the lower common denominator by having more ball-and-fuck jokes than I could count, and tried to appeal to people with higher brain functions with the Sam-Mikela relationship problems, but it just. Fucking. Failed.

And WHY does every movie have to have a bullshit riddle like "In the land of kings, where on earth does the sand meet shore-space" only for a character to realize, almost too late, that that means "THE 7-11! OF COURSE!"

Also lol no one noticed a huge machine under one of the pyramids of Egypt GOOD JOB, WORLD.

I could go on, but I don't want to.

EDIT: Also, wouldn't Bumblebee have noticed 'Alice' was a Decepticon? Also, all the Decepticons give off radiation, as John Turturro showed, so does that mean Sam is going to get cancer? Is that the curse of the Primes? Awful movie, insulting the intelligences of people everywhere.