GI Joe
Well I just saw it and I have to say it's the most hilarious movie ever. Quite possible the most laughable special effects, acting, and dialogue I've seen all summer. It was like watching a Saturday morning cartoon.
Yet, I enjoyed it. I probably shouldn't have but I have a soft spot for movies that are so bad they're good. It was well worth my $6.
CC did look lame, but I loved The Doctor. He carried the movie for me.
It was brainless fun that was not insulting, like Transformers 2 was. It was mindless, loud, and funny. It never took itself seriously, which helped elevate it for me - plus, it looked like it was a hell of a lot of fun to make, and that carried over into the viewing.
I mean, yeah, if you don't have a brain, this is the movie for you. It was ridiculously bad as an action movie, and second-rate as a comedy.
Although the scene with Ripcord and Scarlet in the bathroom after Scarlet got whooped by the Baroness, was actually some of the worst dialogue I've ever heard in a movie, ever. I had to bite the back of my hand to keep from laughing myself out of my chair.
Bottom line: The writing was terrible, the explosions were cool, the cobra hideout was sweet, Scarlet will be known as the anti-christ of future feminist-generations to come and the lack of explanations for anything was astounding.
Bad movie, slightly entertaining.
There's only one line that I actually remember from the movie - "I told you to read the manual."
"There was a manual?"
Literally - I took nothing else away other than shiny things go boom and the ludicrous story. Terrible movie, would watch again. I liked it.
I'd like to toss out three lines from Scarlet, a woman operator in a top secret commando unit who has seen battle and has proven herself a cold, emotionless killer.
"I didn't want anyone to see me like this (beat up)"
"I... I've never lost a fight before"
"My daddy taught me to win"
Those three lines almost made me bust a gut. That whole scene in particular was so sad it was funny.
God, especially because Ripcord was all, "Maybe your dad taught you to win all the time so you'd learn to pick yourself back up."
How. The. FUCK does that make any sense.
You've never lost, so of course you'll be an expert at defeat and recovery.
Just watched it again earlier. Last Friday I worked it and got in free. Had a pint of Seagram's Seven. This evening I got in free again but had no whiskey. I have one more free pass I may use for another movie; or just watch Rise of Cobra a third time. The first time I caught some of the nods to the old toys and cartoon I got nostalgic, same with watching Snake Eyes' first appearance. Then again, I'd been outside the theater in the heat for six hours previously, and stopped at the Daiquiri shop next door for a few beers prior to seeing the movie. Tonight I was stone cold sober and winced at some of the cheesier moments. Overall, I liked the action scenes, thought the romance scenes were unneeded at best (especially that tramp Baroness kissing on three men), enjoyed the fact that many of the vehicles seemed to be loosely based on the old toy line, and thought most of the actors were well suited for their roles.
I also like the way the ending leaves the movie wide open for a sequel, and the way the demise of a certain ninja leaves just enough room for a resurrection. Well worth the price of admission.
"...and a kung fu grip":
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