Thread: How to get over her?

Originally Posted by Anonymous

OP

She DOES see me as an easy target. I've realized that. I don't know why it's different with her. You would think that from what I've said, she's my first girlfriend. But she's not. I've had multiple in the past, but she is the first that I've ever fallen in love with. And yes, I DO know the difference between love and just liking someone a lot.

The thing is, she's been through a lot. She's been physically and emotionally abused, and other things I'd rather not talk about it. That lead to a deep depression. She got into drinking, drugs, even harming herself. And I was the one there for her. I actually saw through all of that and thought she was different deep down, just needed someone who loves, and cares about her. Who would help her change.

I understand completely, believe me, I've been there. I've fallen for an addict before. The problem is, most of us, myself included, take it for granted that eventually they will clean up their act. In my case, she never did, eventually I had to cut her loose, because if she didn't want to change, then it wasn't worth the time I spent trying to help. I understand that you don't want to see her hurt, but walk away, not only is this something she needs to deal with on her own, but most addicts cannot stop themselves until they hit rock bottom. Maybe you leaving and breaking contact will be her bottom, don't hope for it because the chances are slim. Until she hits that bottom, she will be unhappy, and she will make you unhappy too. You just have to realize that you can't help her through this, and move on and try to be happy. If she cares about you, she'll clean up her act, if she doesn't, she won't and you'll be better off without her. It sucks both ways, but it gets better over time.

Edit: And best of luck to you, this is a hard thing to have to do.

Originally Posted by Shinysides

I understand completely, believe me, I've been there. I've fallen for an addict before. The problem is, most of us, myself included, take it for granted that eventually they will clean up their act. In my case, she never did, eventually I had to cut her loose, because if she didn't want to change, then it wasn't worth the time I spent trying to help. I understand that you don't want to see her hurt, but walk away, not only is this something she needs to deal with on her own, but most addicts cannot stop themselves until they hit rock bottom. Maybe you leaving and breaking contact will be her bottom, don't hope for it because the chances are slim. Until she hits that bottom, she will be unhappy, and she will make you unhappy too. You just have to realize that you can't help her through this, and move on and try to be happy. If she cares about you, she'll clean up her act, if she doesn't, she won't and you'll be better off without her. It sucks both ways, but it gets better over time.

Edit: And best of luck to you, this is a hard thing to have to do.

OP

Thank you for your advice and support. I means a lot, especially since you've been in the same situation. What you've said is all true. She doesn't appreciate the fact that I've tried to be there for her and help her change. She doesn't know what she wants. One minute she wants to be with me, wants to change, the next she wants to be friends because she feels like she's missing out on a lot. It's ridiculous. But I'm honestly starting to care less and realizing that I can do SO much better. That I deserve better.

After reading the responses here, I'm doing a lot better. My friends and family for months have told me the same exact thing, but I just figured they were saying that because they're MY friends and family.

Thanks again. Much appreciated.