This was a proto-date, before I'd ever really gone on an actual date: it was a trip to see a movie with two girls I knew from... actually I don't remember how I knew them, but I remember that we knew each other from the internet before we met in person. I still remember their MSN names better than I remember their actual names. Anyway, I spent 40 minutes on the train out to ages away, an area completely unfamiliar to sheltered little me to meet two girls I'd never seen before.

Both girls were pretty enough -- as a matter of fact, one was downright stunning, I vaguely recall, and she was the one who was obviously into me. But no, it took me less than a minute to decide I wasn't interested in either (perhaps it was because I spent the years from 13-18 twisting in the wind from unrequited/unexpressed love for certain girls I went to school with?). We saw some stupid movie, and then when they suggested bowling I knew I had no choice (because her mum was my lift back to the train station), and then when they suggested ANOTHER MOVIE back at one of their homes I had no choice again. I don't think I'd ever had so much trouble having conversation with anyone before or since. And I'm pretty sure that was an Eddie Murphy movie. Nothing about this day was catastrophic, except 2003 Eddie Murphy, but so incredibly awkward and painful for me, and I spent the next few years kicking myself that I didn't go for this Juliet girl for whatever reason.

I had never before been faced with such obvious interest from a girl. Ever. Maybe that's the reason I didn't like either of them -- I was spooked. I finally managed to get myself home and didn't stop feeling awkward about it for years. It only got so bad in my memory because it put me off dating altogether for a while, because I was so afraid of going on more dates with girls I didn't like and being awkward. And despite the occasional post-breakup temptation, and the knowledge that it'd be piss easy to say the right things to some sad, lonely girl on a dating website, I've never since been drawn to the idea of dating someone off the internet.