The first date should be anonymous sex in a darkened room. If you like it, then you can introduce yourselves to each other with a good old fashioned "Hi, my name is..." If not, then leave the room without saying a word.
The first date should be anonymous sex in a darkened room. If you like it, then you can introduce yourselves to each other with a good old fashioned "Hi, my name is..." If not, then leave the room without saying a word.
Ideal first date:
Do you love to play Super Mario Brothers on the Classic Nintendo System? Do you like to get tagged from behind while you do it? This is the post for you then.
You must know your way around the game before we meet, must be open to anal sex, also able to fake an orgasm is a plus.
I will send you the address to a hotel and a room number. When you arrive the door will be open. Please come in close and lock the door and close the shades if they are still open. I will be in the bathroom and the door will be closed. Turn on the TV and the Nintendo. Remove all of your clothing. Turn off all lights in the room and kneel down on the bed so you are directly in the light of the TV. You need to be facing the TV with your butt in the air pointed toward the pillows on the bed.
Press the start button on the controller when you are ready. I will hear the sound and turn the light off in the bathroom and come out. You will not look directly at me, only look at the TV. When the first level starts I will begin to finger you and lick you. I will be using lots of lube as well.
When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks. When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you. You may say things like, "MORE", "HARDER", "YES", "fucc ME", but nothing else. I will continue having sex until the level ends. DO NOT take the secret level skip. If you die I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts.
When you reach the flag you must again trigger the fireworks, and also orgasm. I will pull out. When the 1-3 starts I will penetrate your ass. You are allowed to say something like "OH GOD", "YES", OR "IT HURTS" no other conversation is allowed.
When level 1-4 starts I will alternate between holes as I see fit. You may beg me to cum inside or outside of you, depending on what you want. When boss falls and you reach the princess I will pull out and blow my load where you have convinced me I want too. You may then say something like "Thanks", "It was great", "I loved it", "Don't stop"
If I am impressed you may continue playing and I will continue to pleasure you. If I am not, I will turn the Nintendo Off and return to the bathroom. At this time you may clean your self with the towel that is beside the bed. Turn the lights on, redress yourself and leave.
I may come back out and talk to you as you dress but the conversation will most likely be short and revolve around scheduling another time to get together.
Or discuss strategy.
The date got rearranged to tonight VERY abrubtly. She called me and said she had to go away for work on Friday morning and could I do tonight?
Drinks at mine was her idea.
All I can say about it is that there will be no second date.
ouch
well, sometimes there are busts
Hey, if she wants to go to your place then you might be in. If not, chloroform and denial.
My bad.
In all fairness, his chloroform and denial strategy can still be applied.
She came over, drinks were drunk, Doritos were Dorito'd and conversations were conversed. We got on ok, but we have absoloutely NOTHING in common. Literally zero.
I like Sports and Movies. She hates sports and didn't know who Al Pacino was.
She likes Dancing and The Hills. I can't dance, and the Hills makes me want to commit genocide.
I would like to say we will be friends, but that really is such a long shot right about now.
people who say they have nothing in common because they don't like the same stuff are shallow assholes
gwahir that is a tad harsh, but not entirely untrue
Fair point. But I need to be able to hold a conversation with someone, and with her it is very very very difficult. Unless we were talking about something SHE liked, she wasnt interested. I accomodated this, talking about her interests for a very long time, but the moment my life came into the conversation she just zoned out.
well it's possible that that makes her self-absorbed and crappy, but it's also possible that makes you a boring conversationalist.
edit: probably a little of both.
I mean, I will never date a girl who thinks Nickelback is a group of good musicians.
She can listen to Nickelback, and even like them, but if she thinks they are talented then it is sayonara.
hahah
now that's more to the point. who cares what someone likes, it's about their judgment, openmindedness, ability to reflect, etc etc etc etc.
that's the stuff that matters. that's what's worth having in common. but in any case people who have nothing in common except species sometimes get on amazingly well and fall in love. to not like someone because they're not sufficiently like you is what i find shallow. to not like someone because he or she is arrogant, annoying, themselves shallow, aggressive, a horrible person etc etc is much more acceptable.
The last girl I dated was exactly like me in every way but two, and I literally every way but two. One of those ways was that she was a girl.
We got along great for about three months and then self-destructed into a giant ball of fire because the things about myself that I hated she did too, and situations perpetuated themselves to ridiculously stupid proportions.
Wait, you weren't trying to just fuck the girl? What kind of relationship starts without physical attraction and sexual tension?
I can deal with a girl liking Nickelback, hell I prefer it. I don't mind if they listen to it, love it, think they are greatest musicians ever, etc, since that just means that she fits one of my criteria: She's Dumb.
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