Thats why you never drink alone.

I get a lot of smashed people here at the hotel on new years and St. Patty's day, and I love how they hand me their plastic magnetic keys as if I can divine which room they're in. I once helped a drunk lady to her room and as soon as the door shut, I heard a loud THUD and a groan. I knocked on the door and asked if she was alright but no reply. Bitch didn't even tip me.