Because I'm emotionally stunted and selfish, I am horrible at picking out Christmas gifts...so that's why I usually bring along a chick friend of mine to provide thoughtful insight to any gift I purchase (for example, did you know that a tire iron would not be a good gift for a grandmother?).

So anyway, after getting the shit from the mall that would remind my relatives to get me shit this holiday season, Kriss (the friend) drags me into a shoe store before we leave. Now its not just a store that sells shoes. This is a woman's shoe store, where it's wall to wall shoes and shoes accessories that prey on the genetic weakness of women that cause them to purchase more then one pair of shoes despite them only having two feet.

Anyway...

I'm sitting there bored, but feel obligated to at least comment on the shoes that Kriss is showing me because she has practically done my Christmas shopping for me. But throughout the store I glanced and saw that I was not the only guy dragged into this footwear hell. One other young man with his girl friend was seated at the center of the store as she yammered on and on about what styles of shoe or boot or slipper would match with whatever dress she is wearing.

That's when this guy becomes my hero.

He apparently reached his breaking point. He stands up and then at the top of his voice nearly screams, "Where the fuck are the Nikes?!"

Dead quiet followed this bold question.

The girlfriend, horrified either at the fact that he was so crass or so ignorant to shoe store etiquette, quickly grabs him by the wrist and bolts out of the door. As I watch him leave, I realize that he is indeed, one of my heroes for creating such a simplistic way of not weaseling out of shoe shopping, but killing the desire to be brought along when his girl gets that uncontrollable urge to shoe shop.